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Quote Author Rating Rate
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying." Woody Allen 4.647058823529412 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know." Rodney Dangerfield 3.75 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I just finished my first book. Pretty soon, I'm gonna read another." Rodney Dangerfield 4.5 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by." Douglas Adams 4.756410256410256 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota." Fran Lebowitz 1.5 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." Rodney Dangerfield 3.857142857142857 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places." Henny Youngman 4 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy." Woody Allen 4.2 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I wish TV had a knob so you could turn up the intelligence. The one marked Brightness doesn't work." Leo Gallagher 4.5 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit." Mel Brooks 4.5 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive." Samuel Goldwyn 4.357142857142857 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" Abraham Lincoln 4 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands." Douglas Adams 4.575757575757576 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" Will Rogers 4.444444444444445 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." Fran Lebowitz 4.625 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." Douglas Adams 4.555555555555555 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off." Woody Allen 3.8 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I'm at an age where I think more about food than sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table." Rodney Dangerfield 4.75 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch." Woody Allen 4.9 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or or not." Fran Lebowitz 3.6666666666666665 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote


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