» Add Quotes to Your Site - Quote Generator Add Quotes to Your Site - Quote Generator
add quote of the day, random quotes or by topic (e.g. funny quotes)

Quote DB :: Comedy Search in this category


Quote Author Rating Rate
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" Abraham Lincoln 4 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"When I read about the evils of drinking I gave up reading." Author Unknown 4.4 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Of course the meek will inherit the earth, what, did you think they'd take it by force?" Author Unknown 4.555555555555555 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"My goal is to someday be the person my dog thinks I am." Author Unknown 4.444444444444445 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance." Author Unknown 4.333333333333333 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin 4.83768115942029 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm The Beatles." Bill Maher 4.571428571428571 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Please, if you ever see me getting beaten up by the police, please put your video camera down and help me." Bobcat Goldthwait 4.368421052631579 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"How can you be expected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheese?" Charles de Gaulle 3.5454545454545454 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." Charles Schulz 4.780487804878049 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I don't care what is written about me, so long as it isn't true." Dorothy Parker 3.8 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by." Douglas Adams 4.756410256410256 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own set of laws." Douglas Adams 4.782608695652174 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis." Douglas Adams 4.7272727272727275 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands." Douglas Adams 4.575757575757576 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." Douglas Adams 4.555555555555555 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens." Dwight Eisenhower 3.4 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-five now, and we don't know where the hell she is." Ellen DeGeneres 4.478260869565218 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota." Fran Lebowitz 1.5 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or or not." Fran Lebowitz 3.6666666666666665 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote


1 2 3 4 Next >>


Browse Comedy quotes by Author:
Abraham Lincoln Author Unknown Benjamin Franklin
Bill Maher Bobcat Goldthwait Charles de Gaulle
Charles Schulz Dorothy Parker Douglas Adams
Dwight Eisenhower Ellen DeGeneres Fran Lebowitz
Fred Allen George Burns Groucho Marx
Henny Youngman Jon Stewart Larry Ellison
Leo Gallagher Mark Twain Mel Brooks
Mike Tyson Orson Welles Pierre Berton
Rodney Dangerfield Samuel Goldwyn Stephen King
Steve Martin Tobey Maguire Tom Lehrer
Will Rogers William Jennings Bryan Woody Allen













 
| privacy