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"I've occasionally heard that I was kicked out of Harvard for being a Communist, for dealing drugs, for corrupting minors, or for diverse other infractions of local decorum. Unfortunately, none of these rumors are true. The one I've heard more often is that I am dead. That one I encouraged, hoping it would cut down on the junk mail. It didn't."
Tom Lehrer
"What I just said is the fundamental, end-all, final, not-subject-to-opinion absolute truth, depending on where you're standing."
Steve Martin
"I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota."
Fran Lebowitz
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