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Quote DB :: Authors :: Woody Allen	Rate this Author:

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Groups: Comedians

Woody Allen

Quotes: (ranking: 620th)
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Quote	Category	Rating
"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats."	Comedy, Marriage
"Don't knock masturbation; it's sex with someone I love."
"Eighty percent of success is showing up."	Life & Death
"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic."
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying."	Comedy
"I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's."
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy."	Comedy
"It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune."	Life & Death
"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off."	Comedy
"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more."	Morality
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."	Science
"I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."	Life & Death
"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."	Comedy
"Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no."
"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."	Money
"More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly."	Miscellaneous
"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."	Miscellaneous
"Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday."	God
"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down."	Life & Death

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