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Quote DB :: Authors :: Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Quote Rating Average (89%)


Author Rating (71%)


Groups: Comedians

Woody Allen

Quotes: (ranking: 620th)
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"Don't knock masturbation; it's sex with someone I love." 4.7 avg (35 votes)
"The good thing about being bisexual is that it doubles your chance of a date on a Saturday night." 3.9 avg (11 votes)
"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good." 4.4 avg (9 votes)
"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast." 4.3 avg (6 votes)
"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." 4.4 avg (8 votes)
"The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you." 4.0 avg (6 votes)
"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic." 4.3 avg (11 votes)
"Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman." 4.5 avg (16 votes)
"I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's." 4.4 avg (9 votes)
"Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no." 4.4 avg (17 votes)
"To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition." Atheism 4.0 avg (28 votes)
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying." Comedy 4.6 avg (17 votes)
"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off." Comedy 3.8 avg (5 votes)
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy." Comedy 4.2 avg (5 votes)
"When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back." Comedy, Morality 4.2 avg (5 votes)
"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats." Comedy, Marriage 4.5 avg (11 votes)
"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch." Comedy 4.9 avg (10 votes)
"Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday." God 4.1 avg (15 votes)
"Eighty percent of success is showing up." Life & Death 4.9 avg (34 votes)
"I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens." Life & Death 4.9 avg (17 votes)

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