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"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
"All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work."
"First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."
"Stand-up comedy is transient. History shows that you can stand up for so long; after that, you're asked to sit down."
"Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything!"
"Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's out of town."
"What I just said is the fundamental, end-all, final, not-subject-to-opinion absolute truth, depending on where you're standing."

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