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"All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work."
"Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything!"
"First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."
"Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's out of town."
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
"Stand-up comedy is transient. History shows that you can stand up for so long; after that, you're asked to sit down."
"What I just said is the fundamental, end-all, final, not-subject-to-opinion absolute truth, depending on where you're standing."

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