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Quote DB :: Authors :: Homer Simpson

View all quotes by Homer Simpson
View all quotes in The Simpsons

Quote Rating Rate
"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel." 4.7560975609756095 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?" 4.730769230769231 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use." 4.72 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England." 4.71875 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Haven't you learned anything from that guy that gives those sermons in church? Captain What's-his-name. We live in a society of laws, why do you think I took you to see all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughing! Did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Vroom! Beep! Honk! Honk! Ha-ha. Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze!" 4.666666666666667 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'" 4.655172413793103 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"If he's so smart, how come he's dead?" 4.633333333333334 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!" 4.483870967741935 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"What is a wedding? Webster's dictionary defines a wedding as 'the process of removing weeds from one's garden.'" 4.451612903225806 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy." 4.45 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk." 4.294117647058823 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!" 4.25 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon! What was his name? Apollo Creed?" 4.235294117647059 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed." 4.142857142857143 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening." 4.071428571428571 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively." 4 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I'm not popular enough to be different." 3.75 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I've got more trophies than Wayne Gretzky & The Pope combined!" 3 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote


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