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Quote DB :: Authors :: Homer Simpson

View all quotes by Homer Simpson
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Quote	Rating	Rate
"English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England."
"Haven't you learned anything from that guy that gives those sermons in church? Captain What's-his-name. We live in a society of laws, why do you think I took you to see all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughing! Did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Vroom! Beep! Honk! Honk! Ha-ha. Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze!"
"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"
"If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?"
"If he's so smart, how come he's dead?"
"I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon! What was his name? Apollo Creed?"
"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!"
"I'm not popular enough to be different."
"I've got more trophies than Wayne Gretzky & The Pope combined!"
"Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening."
"Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk."
"Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively."
"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed."
"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."
"The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!"
"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel."
"What is a wedding? Webster's dictionary defines a wedding as 'the process of removing weeds from one's garden.'"
"When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy."

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