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Quote Author Rating Rate
"I went into a restaurant and the sign said 'Breakfast anytime," so I ordered french toast during the Renaissance." Steven Wright 4.461538461538462 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?" Steven Wright 3.7857142857142856 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths." Steven Wright 3.7777777777777777 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I almost had a pyschic girlfriend, but she left me before we met." Steven Wright 4.25 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I hate it when my leg falls sleep in the middle of the day, because that means it'll be up all night." Steven Wright 4.75 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I have a microwave fireplace. I can lay down in front of the fire for the evening in eight minutes." Steven Wright 4.428571428571429 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I installed a skylight in my apartment yesterday. The people who live above me are furious." Steven Wright 4.5 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't part anywhere near the place." Steven Wright 4.333333333333333 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I bought some batteries but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again." Steven Wright 4.777777777777778 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it." Steven Wright 4.4 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep well?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'" Steven Wright 4.684210526315789 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Curiousity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect." Steven Wright 4 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Black holes are where God divided by zero." Steven Wright 4.936507936507937 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it." Steven Wright 4.2 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?" Steven Wright 4.071428571428571 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I have a hobby...I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it..." Steven Wright 4.875 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I broke a mirror the other day. I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five." Steven Wright 4.333333333333333 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Last night I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." Steven Wright 4.5 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"What's another word for thesaurus?" Steven Wright 4.318181818181818 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I cried because I had no shoes, 'till I met a man who had no feet. So I said, 'You got any shoes you're not using'?" Steven Wright 4.68 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote


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