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"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam." -
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Top 5 quotes from Johnny Carson
"Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are you ready?'"
"People will pay more to be entertained than educated."
"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners."
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
"I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive."
Top 5 quotes from Marriage
"The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?"
"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married."
"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets."
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
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