Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS? It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around. by Jack Handey

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"Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS? It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around." - Copy to Clipboard
-- Jack Handey

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Top 5 quotes from Jack Handey

"To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?,' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'"
"I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching."
"Even though he was an enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again."
"Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?!"
"If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you."

Top 5 quotes from Jack Handey

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